Last year, I hosted Seder for the first time ever. I had family and friends over to celebrate in my own home, which I had purchased only a few months before. I was not in great health, but I’d already started down the warpath to wellness and I was determined to pray with and feed some of my loved ones for just one night.

My grandfather had passed away only weeks before and my family was heartbroken and suffering. Although we have never openly embraced the concept of God, nor have we ever, to any degree, embraced formal religion (we’re what you’d call traditional or cultural people), the Haggadah that I used for last year’s Seder had an awful lot of “God talk” in it. In fact, it was remarkably God-heavy for something called “the Haggadah of Liberation” and for being peppered with illustrations stolen from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass.

Somehow, despite our family culture, it was comforting. The God talk still made me uncomfortable, but the concept behind it–the idea of a power beyond our ability to reason that was benevolent and cared for us–that was comforting.

It was a very emotional celebration, but it brought comfort and reassurance when we all very much needed it. Passover is a holiday that celebrates faith: trusting something that you cannot possibly understand–God. Believing that you and your people will survive, that the hardship will lessen, that you will one day flourish, that God will provide.

When we are mourning, we must trust that it will get better. We must believe that one day it will hurt a little bit less. That we will again be able to smile, to laugh, to feel happiness. We must believe that our departed loved one is in a better place, that they are free of pain, that they are comfortable and at rest. We must believe without knowing. That’s faith, right?

This year, Passover will take on special significance again. We are enduring a new plague. The hardest hit will be the folks with jobs in service of others. To survive, we must act collectively. Stay home. Care for one another by staying home. Stay home. Stay home. Stay home.

While the Hebrews, enslaved in ancient Egypt, had to GTFO in hurry, we all have to shelter in place. But, it’s not that different! This is about collective, cooperative action. This is about following the directions you are given to ensure your survival and the survival of your people. Let staying home be our lamb’s blood. Let us undertake a collective action to do as we are instructed. Let the coronavirus pass over each of us.

This is not a one-at-a-time, at-your-own-convenience situation. This is ALL OF US TOGETHER. This is a the-sea-is-parted-and-we-best-haul-ass-at-once-all-together-if-we-want-to-survive kind of situation. Today, going to together to save ourselves means staying home. It’s a community pact to undertake the same action at the same time, the same commitment for the same length of time, the same consideration for one another until we are in the clear and safely delivered to the promised land.

Only through the collective action of a community can an entire people be saved. If you’re not about faith, that’s fine. Please be about common sense. Please be about logic. Please be about reason. Please be about kindness and empathy and patience. Please.

Also, the fact that yeast is sold out everywhere is hilarious and fitting and the appropriate timing of this with Passover, aka the Feast of Unleavened Bread, is absolutely not lost on me.

So I’m not hosting Seder this year. But I am dearly looking forward to the process of writing my own Haggadah. I think that I should allow and welcome the emotional conditions of our current global health crisis to influence and color the content.

I will prepare food. I will read my homemade Haggadah. I will set the Seder Plate and welcome Elijhah into my home, but nobody else.

I will eat. I will drink wine. I will pray. I will probably facetime my family.

And I will look forward to next year. When we are all safely delivered.

I read an article last night–as close to clickbait as the New York Times gets for me–about weight loss. (Read it here.) As one could predict, it offered zero novel insights, very little by way of advice that one can take immediate action on, and reiterated how difficult and long the process is. Not motivational for me, more along the lines of “You already know what you have to do, so this is your fault.”

However, that’s my own source of personal shame, a seemingly endless font, providing tone for an article that was actually meant to be positive. The key takeaway was that lifelong habits take time to develop and rigidity can make that impossible. Building wellness into your life includes the valuable practice of how you carry on when you make choices or take actions that are not in your very best interest. Carrying on. With the commitment, with the plan, with the goal.

As I pursue good health and wellness after thyroid cancer, I’ve learned to manage a blend of some rigidity, plus some really aggressive routines, plus some important life-long habits I’m trying to build, and some stuff that’s pure aspiration.

In some cases, like with taking my daily medication, I consider this behavior a rule and without negotiation. I put in the time to identify the right tools and to rigorously follow my own rules to help me accomplish as close to perfect execution as possible. But the key is that I focused on just one thing. It also helps that if I miss a day, I feel like absolute hell.

Physical fitness is critical to my well being. Yes, there’s a physical health benefit–obviously. But moving my body, pushing my body, doing physically hard shit, is a big part of maintaining my mental health. I set a goal for myself to do something strenuous five days a week. I lift twice a week with a trainer. Working with a trainer is an investment I’ve made in myself for life. A trainer helps me with more than just accountability and what to do, this is a person who has partnered with me to help me take care of my body so that I can rely on it long into the future. I’ve had six knee surgeries, a hip surgery, three abdominal surgeries, and thyroid surgery. I also have a modest collection of injuries that haven’t been repaired that I simply maintain to the best of my ability. Learning to keep my body tuned so that it’s functional and feels fine (pain management through fitness is real!), this is an everyday commitment. My trainer helps me with this in a very necessary capacity. I need someone to cue me when my mechanics are incorrect. I need someone to think about how my body works and how to make it work better so that I don’t have to. All I have to do is show up and work hard. And it’s absolutely worth it.

But I have to listen to my body too. I do have injuries. I’m not that young. And I have a serious health condition that I must manage every day for the rest of my life. So if I’m hurting, or exhausted, or something isn’t right… I’m going to adjust. Sometimes that means my trainer and I scrap the intended program and adapt on the fly. Sometimes it means taking a TRUE rest day, even when it wasn’t scheduled. I’m in it for life, so while every day counts, I have to think about how that day contributes to my overall goals for health and wellness.

Nutrition is my dullest tool. I really love food. But, more dangerously, I really love EATING. The act of eating itself is deeply satisfying to me. Unfortunately, this means I will overeat even when the food is mediocre. Even when the food is not good (especially when it’s free). So mindful *eating* is something that I am practicing. I’m not good at it, but I’m trying. So when I want something that is calorie dense and maybe not the most healthful option, that’s fine… I just need to take the care to slow down and really savor it so that the satisfaction lasts a lot longer. Then I find I don’t need to repeat the indulgence quite so often.

And then, the next day, I don’t over-correct. I just carry on.

So maybe I’m doing some of the stuff that this article says to do. And deep in my gut and somewhere in the back of my brain, I know that it’s going to take a very long time to get to my goal and a shitload of discipline and patience. And I still want a magic pill.

But today, I didn’t get up on time. I didn’t do my workout on time. I got up late. I ate breakfast. I made tea. I did some work. Then I gave myself a window and I put on my bike tights and a sports bra and went to the garage. I gave myself permission to stop early, to give it less than full effort. But the requirement I imposed on myself was to just fucking do it. Show up for myself. Honor the commitment I’ve made to my health. Just do something.

And I did the full hour. And I tried. And it was uncomfortable. But I did it. And tomorrow I’ll lift. And on Friday it will be that much easier to go into the garage and take care of myself.

In an effort to keep my mental-emotional health in good shape for the un-quantified time to come in quarantine, I am committed to the daily self-care routines. This includes, but is not limited to, working out regularly, excellent personal hygiene, skincare, getting dressed, feeding myself, and tea–lots of tea.

I’m too shy and private to post makeup selfies or even outfit-of-the-day photos. I might be able to work up to it at some point. I am aware that this is a somewhat ridiculous hangup to maintain considering I have zero readership (unless my bff Joslyn happens to be checking back in, in which case, oh I love you). I guess that could be a goal through this house arrest… work my way up to the confidence for makeup and ootd selfies. Such lofty goals, no?

Skincare routine of the day:

From left to right, in order of use:

1. Kate Somerville Goat Milk Moisturizing Cleanser
2. The Inkey List Vitamin C – it’s fine, I usually use it for travel, but when I opened my medicine cabinet it fell out, so I used it today
3. Drunk Elephant C-Tango Multivitamin Eye Cream – This is a great eye cream, I have sensitive, dry skin and I am fussy about my eyes. I like this one, among others.
4. The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 – This is a staple
5. Clarins Double Serum – a good and reliable serum, something I keep as a fallback or “daily driver” but not necessarily a problem fixer
6. Augustinus Bader The Rich Cream – Obsessed. My skin really likes it.

Lipstick of the day:

From right to left:

1. Chanel Le Volume in black – The queen of mascaras, my queen.
2. Clarins UV PLUS Anti-Pollution Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Tinted Sunscreen Multi-Protection in light – This is one of my most relied-upon products. It’s a great sheer tinted sunscreen that I use more often than anything else.
3. MAC Powder Kiss Lipstick in A Little Tamed – Joslyn, mentioned above, and I each bought this color on a Nordstrom adventure together. It looks good on both of us and we have incredibly different skin tones, eye color, and hair color. It’s beautiful, it’ll make you feel beautiful.
4. Charlotte Tilbury Lip Cheat lip liner in Pillow Talk – By the photo you can clearly see that this is a well-loved and oft-used lip liner. It’s fairly universal.

Parting thought of the day:

My benevolent employer has extended our work-from-home mandate to April 7, 2020. Who’s surprised? No one. However, it is odd to me that they’re being so conservative about the length of time. Schools in Washington State are closed until April 24… so something’s gonna have to give way here.

So, sticking to the plan, here’s what’s on the docket for today:

Activity	Score
Wake up at the same time – 5:00am	YES! I did it!
Work out	YES! I did it!
Eat breakfast – make something at home	Success!
Morning pot of tea	Success!
Shower + full skincare routine	Success!
Get dressed – wear something special	Half-credit – nothing really special
Mascara + lipstick	Success!
Eat lunch – make something at home	Success!
Take a walk – 30 minutes	Success!
Re-pot that poor orchid on the kitchen windowsill	Nope.
Fold laundry	Nope.
Eat dinner – make something at home	Success!

Mostly out of curiosity, this morning, after my workout, I went to a restaurant supply warehouse. It’s in an inconvenient location, nowhere near any residential areas… but it was very picked over. The guys there said that small restaurant folks are coming in to get all the delivery/takeout containers, but that their cleaning supplies and hand sanitizer stock was wiped out early by “a bunch of hysterical white ladies.”

It was a good reminder that while restaurants are restricted to takeout and delivery, we should consider how and where we spend our money. It’s important, during an unpredictable economic strain, to be thoughtful about finances. We can’t count on job security. We can’t count on anything. So being mindful about spending is smart.

Watch the temptation of online shopping. Be considerate of how much you really need to stock up on (I MEAN REALLY). Having savings is going to be important. Having cash to invest while the stock market is struggling isn’t a bad idea either, but you better make sure you’re covered first. Keep the debt low, pay your bills, save as much as you can.

But, please do look out for your local entrepreneurs. Get takeout from the taqueria (I will be, at least once this week), or the teriyaki spot you love, or even see if your favorite bar is able to do takeout of whatever gastro-pub goodness they might still be making. Just please don’t spend your money at the Taco Bells, the Subways, or the McDonalds. Those places are going to be fine. Plus, they’re the worst perpetrators of creating risky conditions for employees and customers. They don’t offer paid sick leave. READ, LEARN, CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. Also, please keep the independent places alive. Give them a shot. They’re part of our culture, our communities. We need them, right now they need us.

Seattle is on lock down. My gyms (all three) are closed, so my daily structure is forcibly changed for the foreseeable future. The company I work for has mandated that we work from home through March 25, though I expect that this will be extended. Restaurants and bars are to be closed, starting today, though takeout and delivery are still permitted. Social gatherings are restricted to 50 people or fewer. Non-essential businesses are required to close unless they can meet established health requirements.

Our culture will change. Our communities will change. We are going to experience tremendous loss, in so many aspects of life. As daily life changes, I think it’s important to pay close attention to mental-emotional health, physical health, sleep, exercise, and self care. This is going to be a pretty experimental process. I am an avid news reader and I tend to consume even more news coverage during peak news eras–like now. I’ll try to share articles that offer interesting analysis, insight, recommendations, or information relevant to sustaining quality of life while we’re all observing responsible practices during the global health crisis.

Here’s what I’m trying today:

Activity	Score
Wake up at the same time – 5:00 am	Failed today – 7:55 am wake up
Work out at the same time – 6:00 am	Failed today – see above
Shower + full skincare routine	Success! (see details below)
Get dressed, wear something special	Success!
Mascara + lipstick	Success! (see details below)
Eat breakfast – cooked at home	Success!
Enjoy a pot of tea (am)	Success!
Eat lunch – cooked at home	Success!
Enjoy a pot of tea (pm)	Nope, happy with just one
Go for a walk – 30 minutes	Success!
Eat dinner – cooked at home	Success!

Skincare routine of the day:

Left to right and in order of application:

1. Kate Somerville Goat Milk Moisturizing Cleanser – This is a staple–my favorite morning cleanser
2. Kate Somerville Liquid ExfoliKate Triple Action Resurfacing Treatment – I’m not in love with this, but it’s kind to my very sensitive skin
3. Origins Dr. Andrew Weil For Origins Mega-Mushroom Relief & Resilience Soothing Treatment Lotion – I’ve just started using this with some regularity, so no judgement yet
4. Inkey List Caffeine Eye Cream – Meh. It was there.
5. The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 – This is a staple
6. Sample of Indie Lee Stem Cell Serum – I used this for the first time today, so no judgement yet
7. Augustinus Bader The Rich Cream – After snagging multiple samples, I decided to purchase a full-size bottle of this exceptionally expensive moisturizer–but I waited till I had a 20% off code… I like it too much.
8. Jordan Samuel Soothing Facial Oil – I’m not decided on this, but I’m going to stick with it for a while longer before making a decision

Mascara and lipstick of the day:

Left to right:

1. Urban Decay Perversion Mascara in black – it’s fine
2. Charlotte Tillbury Hollywood Flawless Filter in shades 2 and 3 – I mix these together because even though this is not foundation, it’s what they call a “complexion booster” or something like that, and it’s super sheer, I still think I’m in between shades
3. L’Oréal Paris X Isabel Marant Color Riche Lipstick in Pigalle Western – First time wearing it! It’s very bright and cheerful, which I needed.
4. MAC Pro Longwear Lip Pencil in Dynamo – Apparently this does not exist anymore… ugh.

First, I apologize. I do understand clearly the necessity of observing social distancing, self-managed quarantine, and responsible and hygienic behavior in general. I read every credible article on this pandemic that I come across. I consider myself informed. I have a minor science background. I understand the gravity of our world health crisis.

I went out last night. To dinner. We acknowledged the irresponsibility of it. We washed our hands multiple times. We received the breaking update that Governor Jay Inslee would be ordering all restaurants, bars, fitness clubs, and non-essential businesses to close (restaurants can still offer to-go and delivery). We knew that this was the last hurrah for a while. We ordered dessert.

I’m sorry. I am taking this seriously.

In considering what life will be like under house arrest, the value of building routines, stimulation, and opportunities for creativity cannot be understated. So, I’m going to try to write again regularly. While it may be conceited and of little use to anyone else, I’m going to try it anyway.

At dinner we half-joked about building an editorial calendar to keep us productive during quarantine. It’s not a terrible idea. It will be motivational, possibly self-affirming. Who knows? Might as well try.

So, here it goes.